“A stagnant mind. It is but a dead mind.” -I don’t know
How To See Where Blame Sits.
In our practical everyday life, we as human beings live in a cycle of “your fault” or “my fault.” haze. The mind always wants to make a logical jump to explain something so that it makes sense. This is a natural mode of the mind, to make sense of it all. However, sometimes the automatic mind tends to not logically make sense of things to its potential.
Not because it doesn’t want to, but because it hasn’t learned any other way.
This is not a problem though. As I will attempt to help you see how we can shift this view and mold it into a much more expansive view. This is in relation to how we blame others and teach ourselves victimization (and in most cases master it.) We are so used to this technique that it’s on automatic, and almost leaves no room for mindfulness.
See it isn’t because any one incident is either his fault or my fault. The truth is, is that there never is a his or her fault, it is our self story that creates this distinction. And whether its seen with clarity is what leaves the feeling of helplessness and then to suffering. This is a key in which to take responsibility for our actions. To improve or expand. If you want.
What Is The Secret To De-Constructing Victimization?
Simply put it is seeing with clarity and understand that there is no blame on either party. It is that our idea of an outcome does not match up with what reality is showing us. Not only this, but also the other parties idea of how things should be is not matching up with reality. That is when blame and victimization comes in. We do this only because we don’t want to take responsibility for our own mistake of poor judgement.
Now I don’t say poor judgement to say that it was bad judgement, but to say that it didn’t quite match up with reality. Which is why it lead to a dis-jointed outcome (or out of the ordinary outcome to what we were expecting.)
“There are no victims in a relationship. (in terms of blame)
You are stuck between victimizing yourself with your own ideas.” -Me
How Do We Expand Out Of Victimization?
This is a good question to look into. The first thing that comes to mind is to see that our stories are nothing but a fantasy in order to not have to take responsibility for our own ideas. We are having an idea of someone else and wanting them to perform to OUR ideas. This will never work.
Instead, be mindful for this. Look for when this happens, accept it happening. And then let go of that idea so that the other person can blossom into who they actually are. I’m not saying this is easy in the beginning, no new skill is usually ever EASY in the beginning. Think of it as learning to ride a bike, or swimming. You have to practice it until it becomes second nature.
You are literally teaching yourself how to respond rather than react.
It comes back down to being mindful or our modes of operation. If we can catch ourselves in the act, only then can we change our own behavior in order to relate to others better. To enjoy others in their entirety. To love unconditionally, and to love ourselves unconditionally.
If you love yourself in this way, as a by product you will love others as well.
Thank you for reading this, and I’m very glad that I’ve gotten to share what I’ve learned over the years what I myself have learned through my guides (life).
P.S. My Inspiration this time came from Jon Kabat-Zinn, A international best selling author, scientist, meditation teacher. Mindfulness and cultivating it has been on the forefront for me lately. And although I haven’t read this book, it feels right that “Mindful Way Through Depression” would be a good compliment to this post. Its approach is to clarify what mindfulness is. How to side step our “lower” emotions (they aren’t actually lower) and how to deal with them with methods of mindfulness.