Cousciousness Somewhere..

This past week has been a little bit harsh… I’ve been putting more human into these posts as you have probably been able to tell.. I figure that, what does it matter whether I refer to myself or not… what matters and what doesn’t matter… all just a play on words. I could go about it all day saying one way or another but unless I can truly feel the shift, does it really matter?

I feel things changing within the body that I’m in, things are becoming more clear but things are also taking root (or rather uprooted). It is a very uncomfortable process to the mind, if it would be saying one thing to me right now, I can assure you it would be saying, “fuck you man, why would you do this to me?” In which case I would probably reply, “doing what to you? I have never caused you any pain, you have done with to yourself.” Of course, they would both be the ego talking to itself, I’m not saying any of those thoughts, they are just happening, even writing this, I’m watching it happen…

Its funny though… we call someone that talks allowed to themselves skizophrenic, but isn’t everyone skizo by that definition? We just don’t talk allowed, but there are a million and one different “voices” of “us” in the mind telling us what is right, what isn’t, “did i check the garage door, is it shut? Maybe i should go back and check it.” just stuff like that… and yet we call other people insane?

What is insanity anyway, “not within the norm of society” probably would be some definition of it, which misses the mark.

But through all that rambling… I’m still here, through all those waves in the ocean… I am still here, I’ve always been here, I have not moved from this spot, I am dynamically changing always, but in the same token, I am very unchanged. I am this vast emptiness, this silence that is deep within, but I incorporate everything that is. I cannot explain myself… I am…

I want these eyes open for good, no more imposition, I’m done binding myself.

I will leave this post with a small story that I read from a book by Osho: The God Conspiracy

It is a small anecdote from a Sufi Mystic that went by the name of al-Hillaj Mansoor, and it goes a little something like this:

A man came to him and asked the same question. “What is liberation?”
He was sitting in a mosque with beautiful pillars all around. Listening to the question, al-Hillaj Mansoor went immediately towards the pillar, and holding on to the pillar with both hands he started shouting, “Help Me!”
The man could not understand what was happening. He had just asked about liberation and this man seemed to be mad. Mansoor is holding on to the pillar, and he is asking the man, “Please help me, the pillar is holding me, and it is not letting go. Liberate me.”
The man said, “You are mad, you are holding the pillar. The pillar is not holding you.”
Mansoor said, “I have answered, now just get out of the place. Nobody is binding you.”

Nick Myers, a 28 year old serial blogger. Also minimalist, zen participant, philosopher, author of Emotional Alchemist, and tea disciple. I am one who sees a potential lesson in every experience in life. Life is who we are and life is our ultimate guru. I seek to bring us together through our own shared experiences. And hope to not only learn deeply who I am but to learn deeply who others are by dropping my ideas from moment to moment about you.

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Posted in ego, Mind
13 comments on “Cousciousness Somewhere..
  1. Praying to some god in front of the altar or the rosary is also considered schizophrenic. It is just a psychological fact, not a judgement. When people breathe to themselves, “God, oh god, please help me,” that is also it. But there is what you call paranoid schizo, which is not where prayers, healing processes, the necessary self-talk we do from time to time and meditations fall under. At the same time, even in these activities, there are crisis situations that are psychological, mystical, even magical to some.

  2. hey sanra,

    thanks for the comment, its a pleasure to get some input. Its peculiar though that another decides what is a bad or good skizophrenic, when everyone (as long as you are not in emptiness with the mind) has this same natural defense or reaction to situations. The ones that talk to themselves are only neurotic about it, they have reached one of the two extremes. This doesn’t make it bad though I feel… it doesn’t have to be bad, it doesn’t have to be not normal… it may be different then other peoples logic.

    But who or what judges which skizo is good or bad and where is the problem in it?

    Its a silly question and it doesn’t really need an answer.

    Again thank you for the comment! 🙂

  3. lune says:

    Ah, nothing matters, how sweet to hear those words!

  4. lunnneeee!

    Thanks for blessing me with your presence. 🙂

    It is very sweet to hear those words. It takes so much effort to try and become something we’re not, but when we stop the becoming, how easy it is to be who we’ve always been. Nothing really does matter deep down we can feel it, that everything is doing what it should be doing, orchestrating a beautiful symphony in the back drop yet, we haven’t been paying attention to it (or maybe we have). Who knows? 🙂

  5. Hello Liberated Self,

    It’s the difference between Paranoid Schizophrenia and Essential Schizophrenia – shamanism, meditation, prayer or any inward journey. Take note I haven’t used “good” or “bad.” A practitioner begins to think of schizophrenia either because s/he is familiar with the psychological world or because some people, and ironically those who do not know what they are talking about, like to say this to make you feel bad.

    May your journey be happy! ^..^

  6. hmm, very interesting points to see. Your presence is always appreciated sandrasorayaalzona. Where do you think the paranoid skizophrenic differs from the essential? (if there is a definite difference) is one more neurotic than the other… for example… the one who fasts on the spiritual journey as opposed to the one who eats too much, two sides of the same coin… Equal distance from what the Buddha happened to be on as the middle way?

    Its not that its bad or good. but im interested in what you have to say! ❤

  7. Lune says:

    Schizophrenia is actually an essential and necessary part of being a human being. What lies beyond the schizophrenic mind? Who are we without the label?

    Every thing appearing in duality relies on the schizophrenic mind to exist as a thing. God is a belief, Buddha is a belief, I am a belief and in this illusion we call life, we are all separate entities praying to the same God and our spiritual practice is no more than taking one breath after another.

    Through the veil of our beliefs lies One life, One truth, One breath, One without second.

    in light x

  8. hey lune!

    thanks for the comment, I’ve actually been living with that question for some time… the

    “who are we without the label?” one… That ol Who Am I… There is no conclusion, maybe a sense that I Am but what I Am I can’t put into words themselves. Anything even trying to manifest as an explanation distorts whatever truth is there… It just seems like a vast silence, I don’t even see how I’m the witness… the witness is there but there is a witness watching the witness so how can i be that witness, which goes on forever?

    How to catalyze such a burning fire, as to burn up all other things striving to be seperate into that one natural state. The mind still sees it intellectually, I guess I just wait and live with the mystery (not like i can actually do any of it, that its going to happen on its own)

    That and enjoy the drama of the mind that wants liberation and the mind that is preventing itself from liberation, if there is such a thing.. haha.. Because like Sekito said, “Liberation? Who has bound you?”

  9. sandrasorayaalzona says:

    Hi Lune & Liberated Self!

    Yes, Lune got the difference and meaning of Essential Schizo correctly. Ha ha!

    I guess as in most of what we have as human beings, it’s in the mastery of our minds that makes the difference. Without the label, we are simply “I Am,” and that is, in some belief systems, equated with “god.”

    Me again, taking it easy. ^..^

  10. lune says:

    Yes, ‘The mastery our minds’ may happen, ‘the mastery of our minds’ may not happen, it makes no difference, because the ‘thing’ attempting to master its own mind is also only a concept. To put it another way: Q: Who is the one doing the mastering? A: another aspect of our minds.

    Yes, “I am” is also a label produced by the mind. There are pointers which may lead to that which is beyond the mind, or they may not. Whatever the ‘result’, it is an overwhelming YES to what IS already and can never not be.

    YES that is what you are. Simple.

    What is there behind the person saying “I am”? Nothing that can be labelled, analyzed, conceptualized, seen. No thing. Yes, To say All-Is-One is also concept-driven, to say “All-Is-Dual” produces the same effect. What is the thing that can never be touched by any of this?


  11. mm.. I Am as the concept, needs to be dropped, I guess it hasn’t gotten to dropping, and maybe it will and maybe it wont.

    Very well said the both.

    The only answer I have to you lune… is that which IS but cannot be described… That eternal emptiness and silence that is all prevading. That which is not bound by time and space… that thing that even watches the witness (considering the witness is a concept as well..). That which cannot be conceptualized like you said… but even this misses the mark… I know its there but words are like dust on the mirror. I Am this mirror as i’ve always been and the words to explain are like the dust…

    Every question we’ve been asking is silly… how can we possibly answer a question of who we are or how to get there if we have always been this? Even that is a silly question.. hehehe…

  12. Lune says:

    Yes! what you are is absolutely everything that is ALREADY. The thing you can never not be, that needs no effort, that just is, good bad, indifferent, with many silly questions asked, with no questions asked at all. It is this moment exactly as it is.

    You are the emptiness and silence and everything which appears to appear within that emptiness; all of it.

    The only question perhaps needed to quell the searchings of an errant mind is:

    Who am I ?

  13. Awww Lune,

    What a wonderful question to live with. 🙂

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